Saturday, June 27, 2009

Keeping up with the glob

Week one of this historic e-publication is coming to a close. Somewhere between many to zero people have asked me how they can keep more in touch with my updates and ensure that they are aware of any new randomness that is available via this glob.

Here are a few suggestions:

- Bookmark a link to this site in your favorites. Also add the link to your favorites bar.
- If you have a favorite bar / night club, ask them if they will co-sponsor a media kit with me to distribute on the bar top. Then, whenever you go to the bar, ask the bartender to use the computer in the back room to log in.
- Send a daily e-calendar reminder to yourself that says "Check out The Tef's glob" and insert a link to the site directly into your PDA.
- Call a relative or close friend and have them send a text to you every day at 3:33PM that says "Don't forget to check da glob"
- Think of your own idea. Why all the work must I do? (said like Yoda)
- Name your favorite play list on your iPod "Mostly Daily Randomness"
- Put a Post It note in the middle of your computer screen that simply says "Check on The Tef" today. Remember to remove aforementioned Post It for optimal glob viewing.
- Start a group on Facebook entitled "Loyal followers of The Tef's Glob" and make everyone an admin of the group. Then have everyone send hourly reminders to all members to visit.
- Have an image of the web address etched onto the inside of your windshield on your primary vehicle - I recommend a 60pt font. To save money on car #2, simply use a post it note hanging from your rearviewmirror. (sung like Eddie Vedder) ***If you have a motorcycle, go with etching on the inside of your helmet visor.
- Call me on my cell while you are going to the bathroom and I will read it to you from my iPhone.
- Two words for ya... Pinup calendar.
- 21 more words for ya... For holiday reminders, get Christmas ornaments, dreidels or Easter egg kits that come with mini letters to customize as you please.
- If you have a new baby, try to teach them "randomness" as their first word.
- Ask your spouse to scream "The Tef is so random" during sex instead of "Oh God." Keep your PDA on your nightstand for quick web access.

Legal Notices: The Tef does not recommend driving while using your PDA. Etchings on car windshields and helmet visors should not be done in such a way as to impair driving or general vision capabilities. Any post-sex PDA usage should be done only after using Purell or another form of hand sanitizer. The Tef is not an endorser of Purell and is no way affiliated with the brand or any other consumer product including the iPhone or the iPod. But on a personal note, he would use the iPhone for any of the above non-vehicle related reminders or general web access.

If you are having a baby or know someone who is, remember to check out the "Owen & Amelia" group on Facebook and send an e-mail for a catalog.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Who's Bad?

It's Friday morning now. And I can always come back to the topic of my kid. It might be a few days or months away. But I'll get there.

Back to Michael Jackson. I am kinda sad today. I heard about Farrah this morning too. They were both icons in my youth. I don't know too many guys my age who did not try to find nude pictures of Farrah on the Internet when they were 12 years old.

Okay, Okay, busted. Al Gore did not invent the Internet until roughly 10 years later. But if there was an Internet when I was 12, I'd have been all over it looking for naked pictures of any of the Angels, and seeking out videos of Michael Jackson I could practice for my role as MJ in the 1982 Carolyn Kiesel production of the Thriller video. Although the video cameras were bigger than the original Atari machines back in those days, we were committed to learning all of the moves and recording the full 8 minutes of the video so that we would have a BetaMax recording that we could cherish forever. I showed up for all the rehearsals, but we could not get enough ghouls to come regularly, so we had to shut it down.

In addition to my almost lead role in the never-produced video, below are a few things that I did or obtained as a part of my totally non-gay pre-pubescent obsession with a man who later turned into an alien.

1) I had a 2'x2' yellow silk tapestry of MJ in his Billie Jean attire hung above my bed.
2) I never had a red zipper jacket, but many people to this day accuse me of owning one. Though I did borrow one for a junior high dance once.
3) The first time I saw the moonwalk, I swore that I would do that move at a junior high dance someday and "wow" the crowd.
4) When I did my moonwalk for the first time at a school dance, along with some other breakdancing moves that I HAD TO LEARN, nearly every person in the gym stopped dancing and gathered around me. That was not the biggest crowd to see me pop, lock and glide, but it was the most memorable. I instantly went from "little Chris" to being a big hit with the ladies. Shortly after I made out with a girl on the bleachers.
5) To this day, if I am out and an MJ song comes on, people that know me well seek me out and demand that I do a few moves. Shamon.
6) Next to the yellow tapestry in item #1 above, I had an MJ signature Pepsi can from one of his tour pristine condition, duct taped to the wall.
7) I saved every picture of MJ that I ever came across and most of them were on my wall somewhere too. I wish I had a picture of all that ridiculousness.
8) On the non-soda can side of the tapestry, there was a single glove pinned to the wall. It did not have sequins but it was white and left-handed.
9) When I was doing research for a paper in 10th grade, I was looking up M. Jackson articles and came across an article on Jackson Pollack... I thought his art was awesome too. I wrote the paper on JP not MJ. I got an A. I still have the paper in a box in my attic. I had bad grammar in 10th grade.
10) I am sure there are things that I am forgetting. Please remind me if you have any stories.

I am 36 years old. And based on what Michael Jackson turned into, I can't say that I will always have fond memories of the guy but he definitely had an impact on my life and I'll always carry him with me on my iPod.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

This is the title line

This is the body of the note.

I am partially inspired to write something but I am more so short on time.
For now I will not write much but I will tell you that the meat of the topic will be about how awesome it is to have a kid. Though there are few days where I am not tempted to punch my three year old, there has never been a day that I have done that.

Holy crap, I just heard that Michael Jackson died. Really?? WTF is that all about?
Now I am torn about writing about my love for my daughter or my obsession starting in 6th grade with the (at that time) soon to be King of Pop.

Two very good topics. I need more time to think. I'll be back later.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

What's Up

I apologize in advance to my mom for the third line below.

Some folks, AKA my wife, are all up in a bunch about my new "career" as a globber.
Well, I say bite me. No lower. Not so hard.

Seriously though. So I wanna send some randomness out into the world. What's wrong with that?

Most blogs are about a single topic. E.g. "Birds" or "My trip through Europe." Not that those are not cool topics...but don't you want to read something new and totally different on a regular basis? And sometimes, don't you want to hear about nothing? Why do you think 'Seinfeld' was so successful? He wrote shows about everyday stuff often seen in different ways. Right? And this isn't a blog anyway. In fact if I could, I'd change this site's name to One can dream.

Moving along. Item #2 up for discussion. So far, over 30 cents of ad money will be going to charity based on the success of my new "venture." Be sure to pass along the link to friends and make sure you check out at least one interesting ad before you leave. Based on the many tags that I post that are totally unrelated to my daily topics, there are likely some interesting ads. SO CLICK AWAY ON THE ONE AD THAT YOU FIND MOST INTERESTING!!

Since we're talking craziness, I read somewhere that you are not supposed to flex your knee past 90 degrees? Can you believe that? That I actually read something?

But the knee thing means that most people should not take more than one step at a time up stairs...and that anyone over 5'10" tall should not use their legs to stand up from the toilet. Because when they sit on the John their knees are likely already flexed past 90 degrees. I have recently tried to go through a day without breaking the 90 degree rule. It's tough. I'm just over 5'10" and it's rare that I don't have to "sit to go" at least once a day.

Lastly, since today is Cuesdam and I have totally ignored my scheduled topic of "Animals that I have recently seen and either avoided or tried to pet," let me just tell this to you. Yesterday, we had a woodchuck in our back yard. And he ate a lot of clover. Since he was eating, I did not try to pet him.

A few words to help out any sponsors crazy enough to post an ad based on some totally random tags: Birds, Trip to Europe, Energy, Knees, Renovation

Monday, June 22, 2009

This may be the last time I explain the days, so please take note

As many of my Facebook friends know, on October 17th 2008, I elected to change the titles for seven of the days of the week. I was sick of the fact that all days of the week end in a "Y" letter.

So now each day ends with the first letter from the name of the previous day. E.g. Thursday, now known as Chursdaw... where the "W" actually comes from the day just prior which was previously known as WednesdaY...see, isn't that "Y" letter at the end annoying? I’ll explain the “C” at the front of each day a little later.

And, since there is no easy way to abbreviate the days under this new “C” structure, for all of the days of the week you will now have to use several letters. E.g., For Cuesdam (formerly Tuesday) you will have to use CUE as the abbreviation because Cundas (formerly Sunday and now abbreviated CUN) starts with a CU too. This is only slightly more annoying than the previous T vs. TH abbreviations for the artists formerly know as Tuesday and Thursday.

Moving along… in addition to the new mandatory names for the days, I am publishing a listing of my publication schedule for my “glob.” Since today is Condas and my schedule calls for only a few words, I am going to pretty much stop this entry after the schedule and maybe one additional paragraph.

Condas - "Maybe just a few words. But not a lot of total characters being typed because my fingers hurt"
Cuesdam - "Animals that I have recently seen and either avoided or tried to pet"
Cednesdat - “Other Random Stuff"
Chursdaw - "Interesting things that my iPhone told to me”
Cridat - "True or False"
Caturdaf - "Stock Market Stuff" or "The World"
Cundas - "Membership Drive"

An FYI revisit of further rationale behind the changes:
I restarted each day of the week with a "C" letter. Why? It's kinda simple.

#1 - I figured all the days previously ended with the same letter for a reason, so I wanted to keep some sense of order in the new layout. But this change had to be slightly more confusing than the previous days all ending with a “Y.”
#2 - The letter "C" fit with a lot of the new names naturally. Read ‘em again. It’s true.
#3 - It is the name of my daughter's favorite monkey bobble-head silky blanket thingy that she always carries around.
#4 - I laughed out loud the first time I said "Caturdaf" in my head - that's just funny.
#4b - My first name starts with a "C"

I am still thinking about what to do with the "DA" that also appears in every name of days of the week as the second and third to last letters - which is residual from "DAY" by the way. But for now, I don't notice it as much in the new layout.

Below are random words to test the strength of the ads that appear on my glob:
Hmmmm, Holy, House, Mouse, Apple, Liver, Worst

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Ok. Welcome to my new world. My home away from home...though I am now and will likely be home when most of these go down from my brain to my e-paper.

Let's officially start this first blog with a second paragraph regarding what brought us here today.

You and me. Crap, the actual thought came out in a third paragraph. Oh well.

Know it or not, we have a connection. Every time from now on that you read one of my "globs" (i don't like the word blog) we will be connected in a special way. Before I forget, there will also allegedly be ads that are posted along my pages. "Click them out" once in a while and I'll actually get some earnings from this joint. And by joint I mean a gathering place...and in this case this website. Don't worry, I'll give regular proceeds to charity and I'll keep you globbed on progress thereof.

Back to our connection. You and me.

I started writing "notes" on Facebook back in October. Thanks to J-Dub for the inspiration. He said that my powers of randomness could be used for good. I did not believe him. But he was right. I got a lot (3 comments) of good feedback and people seemed to be entertained by my rants. So today, eight months later, my brother Josh tells me that people can make money from globbing. I did not believe him. But he too is apparantly correct. So here I go. Randoming away for your entertainment. And for our connection.

Most of the below came in part from a previous FB posting. So my apologies to those that are experiencing the rest as a quasi reread. There will be many more reasons to return in the future. Newness, funniness, perspective, and most of all randomness. Life is too short to be planned out all the time. So stick with me on my journies. I'll likely do a post every day. But I will at least do a post every 3.4 days. That works out to nine per month.


Believe it or not these notes are a great outlet for me. I feel better getting stuff out of my head. At the end of it all, sharing stuff with others hopefully gives some perspective of what goes on in another person's head. And if just one or five people say something positive, that's cool by me.

The more I thought about writing, the more I liked the idea. I have considered doing some kids books in the past. My daughter loves reading before bedtime and it always amazes me when other parents have many of the exact same kids books on their shelves. I guess good stuff catches on. The idea of it all led me to revisit some of my past notes on Facebook and run some statistics since inception to get a feel for whether or not I should continue.

Here is what my revisit uncovered for me.
- 83% of my notes were in some way responded to by others
- Only 20% of my Political Haiku Commentaries - an underperforming weekly entry - were responded to by more than one person
- If you do not include the underperforming PHC's, 98% of my notes elicited responses
- The average number of responses in non-PHC notes was 8.2
- Over 90 unique friends posted comment replies to my notes

Based on these results, I thought I might have something worth sharing. And some people might actually continue to read what I write. That's pretty much it.

P.S. 84% of the time, if you use a number in conjunction with making a statement, it becomes more believable for most people.

P.P.S. 100% of the numbers in this note (including the 84% influence of using a number) were either completely contrived or very rough but mostly fake estimates. Except for the 100% part at the beginning of this P.P.S. - That is true.

See what I mean about the influence of a few numbers on believability?

Regardless. Here are a few words that might influence what types of ads you see on my page. Star Wars, Vacation, Bahamas, Cool Cars, Poker, Recipes, Chocolate.