Monday, August 17, 2009

What is random

This morning, I realized that not keeping up with posts every 2-3 days is counter-productive towards my growth objectives. Because if I don't post regularly, it will be tough to keep people coming back. Plus, if I only post once a week, I better lay down some really interesting stuff on the old globby, or people will lose interest. Also, as many of you know, I had the goal of growing my glob to worldwide exposure by next October. To stay on pace, I would have needed 7 new followers last week, but I only got one. So my new goal is 100 people by the year 2022. That seems more realistic. Or, if I can get 7 people this week, I'll be back on track and will only have to delay my 7 Billion followers goal by one week. I'll be happy either way.

Here's a little The Tef proverb for you.
"An argument rooted on an emotional premise, has no sound base."

Not based on that quote in any way, did you know that Google has only been a public company for 5 years? Think about that. They went from nothing to both a noun and a verb in just a few years. It's true, you can Google it on Google. A verb that you have to capitalize. What a pain in the ass. Google now has huge search market share; they host free globs; they have an Internet browser; they run the Internet advertising show; and they even have a smart phone. I wonder what is next?

Also, would you believe me if I told you that the wholesale club concept has only been around for 25 years? An entire retail segment that has shaped the way that many people buy everyday goods, did not exist when I was 11 years old. BJ's Club was the trend-setter here. They reported solid earnings today. And they continue to do well in this penny-pinching environment.

It's crazily crazy how quickly things happen. No? Google was not a household name 5 years ago.

Sticking with the "how fast things happen and what is next" theme of today's glob. Watching Bloomberg this AM, Chinese stock markets have fallen 20% in two weeks. But before that, they were up 50% so far this year. They are now calling it a "Bear Market" there. I call it a correction. Regardless, it's a big swing both ways in a short period of time. I think it will bounce back nicely in the next few months.

I wonder what the next big thing will be? I am going to go work on it after this upcoming "lastly" section.

Lastly. I was thinking about whether randomness makes sense and whether or not there was a big philosophical tie between the way that we look at the world and randomness. I think there is. In fact, randomness or the lack thereof may be all that matters. Here's my take:

If you believe in chance, then everything is random.
If you believe in fate, then nothing is random.

In between is karma. You get what you give.

Good day my peeps.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Truly Random

[Just wanted to get a few things off my mind. {Since the whole note today is random, it is all in brackets. These are just sub-brackets to explain the overall bracket usage.}

If you have not done so, please vote to the right regarding my 15,000th day alive party. See my 7/27 glob for more info.

My topical glob schedule by self-titled days of the week have not been working out. Mostly because I ignore them. But today I have a new topic that will just come up randomly: "Things that I did today that I did not mean to do." From now on, when one of these items arises, I will denote the item with a double asterisk and the word "honk" followed by a colon. If the items warrants further explanation, I will do that in a sentence or paragraph immediately following the item.

**honk: Today, I washed the outside shell of an egg before I broke it. I am not sure why I did that. But I guarantee it was one of the cleanest eggs that I have broken this week. I think I eat a lot of eggs.

Also, I have a new e-mail address that I may use in the future. I wonder who will be my first e-mail sender? It's a g-mail address, so I can send bigger files when necessary, but I still hate Google because of their imminent world domination. The address is:
Send a message to me there. I have never used it and I may never, but if I do and you send a message to me, I will likely read it or at least "preview pane" review it. Only my glob followers even know that this e-mail exists. Please don't tell anyone else.

Did you see any meteors last night? I saw 10 or so. Kinda cloudy but more like hazy, so I only saw the bright ones. Not nearly as cool as the ones I watched with Hathaway on his townhouse garage roof back in 2000 or 2001 or 2002? Those were awesome. Because of the sky that night, most of them looked green and they were very huge. They looked like someone was taking Yoda light sabres that kids play with and throwing them backwards (i.e. handle first) over your head from a tall ladder. Yeah, they were that big.

This is my 22nd glob.

This is the fifth to last sentence of my 22nd glob.

Sloane makes a lot of sounds when she is sleeping. Just a simple move of her foot or her holder sitting up will get her squeaking. We would like to come up with a nickname for her as a result. Please select one from the list and comment or choose your own:
- Squeaky
- Mini (after Minnie Mouse but more like mini-me)
- Beeker (i.e. The Muppet professor's assistant)
- Peeper (like Mr. Peeps from SNL)
- Terry (because many of her sounds sound like a baby teradactyl)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Global Warming

My apologies again for a semi-backslide. I have not been on my glob in a few days. I guess I will throw a couple of hail mary's and do some sit ups.

Here's what I am thinking today. I am not an environmentalist. Not sure where I stand on the whole "the earth is going to warm up and melt into itself in a few years" theory. But I do think that a lot of what we do is wasteful - unnecessarily so.

For example, do you know that refrigerators in the US are significantly, significantly larger than ones in Europe? Like more than twice the size. What a waste of resources and power by us. How do they do it? How do Swiss and Polish people get by with 7-10 fewer cubic feet...that's like 1,000 cubic centimeters. I'm really not sure why the heck we still refuse to convert to the metric system. It's based on light waves. Come on people! What's makes more sense than that? Back when we were provided with measuring system choices, we chose the one based on king's stinky feet (hence a "foot") rather than light waves (I.e. The source of all of our warmth and the reason we have a planet). Yeah, stinky feet sounds like a better choice. Stupid.

And, and... the Europeans arguably have better food. It's just crazy that we feel the need to jam so much into our iceboxes. I'll bet 1/3 of all food purchased in the US is thrown away because it gets lost in the bottom of the 8th shelf in the fridge or behind the 3rd door next to the purified water tap. So here are a few things that I do to try and help save the world.

1) If I buy something at a store and I can carry it, I never take a bag. Paper or plastic? No matter. I don't need a freakin' bag. When I hand it back to the cashier, I kindly sy - "No thanks. Let's save the bag at a time." They usually are a little surprised. Especially when I just bought breast pads and I end up carrying them proudly out of Target on my shoulder like a 1985 boom box. Those things rock. If you have more items than you can carry out of the store, try juggling. This will not only save bags but it will also will improve your hand-eye coordination. Which may come in useful when carrying recycling bins.
2) Yeah, #2 is simply recycling. Plastic and other stuff does not need to sit in a landfill for a bajillion years. Just recycle. It's easy and it feels good.
3) Use your towels more than once. I figure if hotels think it is a good idea and they don't charge you for it, then it must be a good idea. How many times can you use a towel you might ask? I think up to 100 times. But my benchmark is that I use it until it starts to smell a little bit. If your towel smells after one use, you are not washing yourself properly. In this case, you should use more soap.
4) Go to your A/C thermostat right now and turn it up one degree. Do this every three or four days for regular small incremental temperature changes. And in two months you will not need A/C at all because your body will slowly adjust. Plus it will be October.
5) Run water through your coffee filter more than once. E.g. If you use five scoops of coffee in a filter to make one pot, make a second pot using the same grounds. If that is too watery, try adding one or two new scoops to the filter to give it a little boost. You'll use a lot less coffee and it will taste just fine.
6) Recycle your sneakers. Many sports sporting goods stores will take your busted running shoes back to chop them up and make other things. I am not sure what they make but if they use my sneakers, the byproduct will likely still smell. Hint - don't buy any new items in a store that smell like dirty sneakers.
7) Recycle. It's easy. And worth mentioning twice.
8) Guys...instead of running water while you shave and using a bunch of shaving cream, try this. Put one pump of liquid soap on the counter or a small dish or something else non-porous. Just wet your face enough that it's wet. Dip razor into soap splash. Shave. When necessary, rinse the razor quickly with a splash of water. Dip into soap...repeat. I find it's a much smoother shave than foamy cream and such. And it uses very little water.

That's about all I got for today. Tomorrow's post will be about history and the cycle that all leading civilizations have gone through over long periods of time. We are at a pivotal point in the history of our relatively young country... what are you doing to get it going again?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Pump it up and vote in 2012...

So, sometimes the site shows people that follow my glob as "followers" and other times as "members." No matter, thanks for joining. And welcome to Bernie. Glad to see you aboard. Your click as a member keeps the 38% growth for this week on track. One more per day this week and we'll hit the 25 mark by end of the week.

To assist with my unrealistic growth prospects, please invite random friends to join. They don't have to know me to enjoy randomness. Only prerequisites are a sense of humor and a little bit of concern for human well-being. I say that because sometimes I post human interest items and also because they should most likely be concerned about my sanity because many of you have already commented on such a topic.

If you want to invite them via e-mail, you can just copy and paste the below:
Subject line (do not copy this part or the part to the left):
Check Out My Friend's Blog, I Mean Glob

Body Text (do not copy these words or the "Body Text" text):
I follow a blog that I thought you might find amusing. The guy that writes it is all over the place and he actually calls his blog a "glob" to be ironic. Sometimes funny, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes just totally random and sometimes funny. Did I say funny twice? Yeah. In fact, I just copied and pasted his words from his site to invite you. [hello new potential member - The Tef] Check it out at:
If you enjoy it, you can become a member or follower on the right hand side of the glob. Yeah, I said glob.

Moving beyond the membership drive, if you have any doubt about the current US President and his team's capability to run the country, just look at the "Cash for Clunkers" program. Not a bad idea in spirit. "Maybe a little rich per car" was my first inclination.

But how the heck can you estimate that a program will last for 3 months and end up being wrong by a multiple of 30!!! It lasted a few days. I didn't even hear about it until the stories hit that it was underfunded. Was any research done? Did anyone ask the average American as to whether or not they would take advantage of such an opportunity? I could have told you it was a great deal, that's why I said it looked rich. Seriously, these guys are running a multi-trillion effort to save the world's economy and they can't even get one program even close to right? UUUUGH!! (Proper use of double exclamation point)

We need a businessperson to run the country. Now and always. FYI, I voted for Perot when he ran. I wonder what things would be like if he actually won?

Regardless, it's raining outside and my glob is my only job, so here is one final thought:
Would you rather have $2,000,000 right now, or a penny doubled every day for a month?
***A penny will be mailed to every glob member who posts a comment with the correct answer and how much a penny gets you when doubled every day for a month. This will only be one penny, the growth for the rest of the month is up to you! [somewhat of a waste of an exclamation point but only digitally, unless you also print out these posts. Then some ink was wasted on the exclamation point and more on the explanation]

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Nothing Much

Welcome to my 5 new "globberees" this week. That's 38% growth in 7 days. At this pace, the entire world will be on board with The Tef by October 6th, 2010. Not bad. Unless of course there is a huge jump in worldwide population growth and we cross the 7.5 Billion people mark. Then it will take a week or so later. See the illustrative chart to the right. Compounding is pretty powerful, no?

If you have children not of age to use a computer yet, please establish a profile on their behalf in Google or Yahoo! (what's up with the exclamation point?) or the like and add them to the "Members" list below.

As mentioned, here is a paragraph from my executive summary page from my recent business plan:
"When I was 12 years old, I worked on a farm picking sweet corn. Hating the 4:30AM wake up call and the 50 cents per bag that I earned to the tune of around $10 per day, I decided to do something about it. Knowing that a bag of corn sold for nearly $20 when retailed, I asked my boss how much he would charge me per bag wholesale. The math worked out to a 50% margin for me and my door-to-door sweet corn sales business was launched. My first week, I made as much money as I had made picking corn during the entire previous month. And I was working from 4-7PM not 4-7AM. Now that's pretty sweet. I still picked corn from time to time and I kept my job on the farm but there was nothing like the feeling of being in business for myself. Since those days, I have always had the desire to branch off on my own again."

In conclusion, I can't stand left-lane drivers. Especially the ones that you know are hanging out in the left lane and driving exactly at the speed limit to be all goody-good. As if to say, "If you want to speed and break the law, you non-law abiding nut, you'll have to go around me and put a minor amount of strain on your tires and travel a tiny bit farther than you had anticipated on your little law-breaking trip." UUUUGH! [That is the appropriate use of an exclamation point]

Have a globbulous day.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Can't Sleep

Yep, it's 2AM.

I'm awake and the baby is sleeping. That's not smart. Less smart, I just closed my computer and am now typing on my iPhone again. Even lesser smarter, I think I type "noe" 70% of the time that I intend to type "now."
What's up with that?

Moving along. I think later today I will post some of my executive summary that was part of my recent franchise application. We're still waiting to hear, but they liked the plan. If you read the excerpt, you might be like..."Did he actually submit that to a company?". And the answer will be yes.

Crap, noe Sloane is up and I have to feed a bottle and I've been reduced to typing with one hand.

[ENR closed up over $66 Monday. Up over 20% since my non-recommendation mention. That's more than 2x the S&P rally in the last few weeks. I say it's time for me to sell. Though i think $80 is in sight, 20% is a nice three week move.]

Off to sleep.

Friday, July 31, 2009

The new look of my glob

Well, I got slapped on the hand by Google's Adsense for promoting my glob to family and friends and suggesting that people click on ads. It's just a matter of time before Google takes over the world. But for now, you will enjoy an ad-free site. Congratulations.

Some people may be a little miffed about my lack of posts lately. Especially since I just started the FB group to draw attention to this glob effort. My apologies. I'll get back to my post every other day or so soon.

I wonder if people check the glob on a regular basis and are disappointed when there is no new nonsense to read? Do they (you) click on a link or maybe a favorite on a toolbar called "The Tef" and when they (you) see a post from a few days ago still at the top, say..."Where the heck has The Tef been? I really needed a dose of randomness today."

Additionally, I hope that the ink on Splenda packets is not harmful to one's body. Because I have dropped no less than three of them directly into an equal number of cups of coffee this week. [from now on, random thoughts will be inserted with these sideways robot smile symbols] [sorry if the use of the word "equal" before confused the Splenda commentary] I'm sure some of my droppiness has to do with being tired, but I have also consumed coffee at a much higher rate this week so my Splenda-packet-dropping propensity has to be higher from that alone. Every since the "tied for the cutest kid in the world" arrived on Monday, daddy has gotten little sleep. But mommy has gotten littler, so I'm not sure how she gets by without so much coffee.

Going on a tangent, I get the word of the day sent to my e-mail. Do you know what "arcane" means? I bet few people do (lol, not really). I just learned it today. So I guess I am arcane about arcane.

And finally a short and non-rhyming poem from baby Sloane:

Is today Monday or Sunday?
Oh, Saturday, that's cool too.
Sunday is the only day that I have yet to experience.
I am guessing that I will poop and sleep all that day through.

Baby Sloane apologizes for saying that the poem would not rhyme but then adding a little bit of one anyway. Give her a break, she's 5 days old.

Monday, July 27, 2009

To the 11.1%... thanks

I'll start by saying Happy Anniversay Mom and Dad.

Next, I lost a Facebook (FB) friend yesterday. Not sure who left but my count went from 360 to 359. That is a shitty birthday present. Unless of course that person was a "fringe FB friend" anyway - just coined and officially abbreviated "fFf" going forward. I will use it several times below, so please prep yourself.

Maybe I should copy and paste the current 359 FB friends to see who else I lose down the road? Maybe it was someone that was jealous of all the FB birthday wishes I got yesterday plus the one from Deane on Friday. Regardless, I got 40 well-wishing notes yesterday. So 40/359=11.1%...yes Mason I counted yours despite the obnoxiousness.

I wonder how many belated shout outs I'll get? I predict 11. Only four of which will include the words "sorry" and two of those will be from fFf anyway. One other fFf will be lated, but they will not say sorry. 6 of 10 will have some sort of "hope you had a good day" theme. Those are just guesses. I just hope I don't continue the precipitous drop in friend count that started yesterday.

Anyway, why do we "hope you have a great day" on your birthday. Shouldn't we want people to have good days every day? From now on, I am going to pick eight FB friends (fFfs included) and just wish them a happy day randomly. Since I have almost one friend for each day of the year, there is a 2.2% chance that the note will be on your birthday anyway. But that will be unintentional. I want you have a good day regardless.

And what's all the fuss about birthdays? And since it only happens once a year, should we not say "Happy Birth Year?" Why not celebrate birth hours instead? Too much to remember? I guess it'd be tough to squeeze all those "Just calling to say..." phone calls into an hour. Plus, if we only celebrated birth hours, I might have gotten 15 or so birthhour wishes and like 25-33 belated ones. Or maybe it's the challenge of the double "h" phenomenon in the word birthhour. I dunno, but I think we should look at it a totally different way.

Seriously, open up your PDA / Phone / Outlook calendar / Post It Note / whatever and scroll down to:
August 20th, 2013 That's 8/20/13 or 20.8.13 for my European friends.
Do it! Insert the below subject:
"The Tef's 15,000th day, day party"

That day, if I counted the Leap Years accurately, will be my 15,000th day alive. Now that's a cool way to celebrate birth. Five digits, a comma and a small th.

As I have four years to plan it, this will likely be a big party. It will be at our new house in Richmond that will be purchased with coffee and donut money. There will be a tent and or tents. Maybe I'll do ten tents just for the alliteration. If you are reading this, you are invited. Bring anyone you'd like.

P.S. I apologize in advance to anyone whose birthday is August 20th. I just want that day in 2013. You can have the rest of the years. I will not be inclined to celebrate my 15,365th day.
P.P.S The party will not be BYOB but you can bring an appy if you'd like.

In conclusion....HAVE A GOOD DAY Y'ALL. Especially the eight of you that I am about to randomly "wall" on FB.

Friday, July 24, 2009

A glob from my iPhone

Ssssup party people. I'm chillin. Waitin for some takeout so no compy access for me. This is my first glob remotely executed. So when the food comes this will come to an abrupt end. I gotta head home to nurture my 4 days until delivery prego wife and my busted up collar bone kid. Yeah, Amelia broke her clavicle last night. She's a champ though. We got a mini sling on her and doctor DiCaprio says shell be almost 100% in 2 weeks. That's some crazy stuff. No cast. No setting. Just let it be and the marrow will find its way to new boneness. This will come out as one big paragraph because I don't feel like hitting return. In can't wait for these chicken wings much longer. I love em. Starlight in The Fan (should you capitalize "the fan") has awesome wings. The best ones in Richmond per The Tef if you ask me. Until I launch my chain of chicken wing joints called "Just Wingin' It." Then I'll own the market. Thissentencehasnospaces. Chicken wings are a 10 too. If they're done right. Starlight's are around an 8.6, weather permitting. Also big props to Joey McCauliffe for the name "The Tef." He was my inspiration. I think my order is


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Hooray for Ford

I only read the topline of the news about the fact that Ford Motor Company turned a nice profit in Q2.

Go figure. GM and Chrysler both went bankrupt this year after taking billions of our tax dollars and Ford is making good money.

My take is that they have always been the best US car company and despite not liking a lot of what Ford does from a styling standpoint, they are the only American car that I'll ever buy. I have a Lincoln LS now (a Ford product) and I love it. Also, my Poppy (grandpa) worked for Ford for many years and I kinda feel like I should be loyal to them. Not to mention that they stuck to their guns and said "No bailout money for us mr. commie government" and kept their business going old fashioned style... with smart choices and hard work.

Check out my July 1st globbing if you want to get more of my perspective about BS bailouts and the like.

Anyway, here are a few of my favorite song quotes from 2 bands. Can you name them?
"Can't buy what I want because it's free..."; "What no man can own, no man can take..."; and "I don't question our existence, I just question our modern needs..."

They've always been favs of mine, but they just seem to to be very relevant these days.

Don't buy crap you don't need. That's why it's called crap.
Don't spend money you don't have. That's why it's called money.
Enjoy what you got that's free, like family, freedom and love.
Take a hike instead of watching TV.
And if you are down about your circumstances, change them.
Luck isn't about chance or quick profit, it's about being ready when opportunities arise.

Have a great day globbers.

Monday, July 20, 2009

30 and $22.67 = infinity or approximately ∞

Well happy anniversary everybody.

Here are a few words that look strange when spelled out.
Etcetera; Phonetic; Vacuum; Bologna

Today marks the 30th day since my first glob posting. So again, happy anniversary.
Despite being Condas, my fingers do not hurt today, so I may not keep this short and sweet but it definitely will not be super long. That's what she said.

Today I called Comcast and told them that I thought I was paying too much for cable and they gave me a $30 credit for the next 12 months for being a "valued customer."

So I called my bank and said that I thought that my mortgage payment was too high and they told me to go pound sand. Actually, I did not call my bank, But I do love the phrase "go pound sand" so I decided to work it into today's posting somehow. "Phrase" is also a funnily spelled word. Yes, "funnily" is a word. I love to use that word too, but not as much as the phrase "go pound sand."

Sometimes when I say funnily in a spoken sentence, people ask me..."Did you just say funnily?" And I say "Yes." Also, the people at Blogspot do not know that "etcetera" is a word because it keeps getting red squigglies below itself as I type. No, squigglies is not a word, but you understand my gist.

The Comcast part of the story was true. I think everyone should call every service provider that....well...provides a service, and try to negotiate their prices down. I saved $360 this year via a 10 minute conversation. That's Comcastic.

The new picture posted today on the right is a self-portrait that I assisted my iPhone in taking. As you can see from her photography work, the back of her is now painted in Jackson Pollock style. I assisted with that part as well. I did throw paint all over her but more importantly I then coated her with a clear lacquer. None of the above actions have impacted the functionality of said iPhone. Other than to make it look slightly more cool and individual than the average iPhone. Also, her name is Samantha. Cause she is magic. Like that lady from TV that wrinkled her nose to do magic. "Cause" is a word but I used it incorrectly.

The End. Click an ad before you leave. So far, $22.67 has been ad-earned for charity.

The real "End" is below.

The End.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Today is the day before Caturdaf

Happy day everyone.

Today's pre-planned topic is "True or False" but I am not sure I have anything interesting to add on that front.

I will tell you that ENR is doing well this week. Again, this is not a reco, but I think the stock will continue to perform well. See the 5 day chart to right.

Item #2 for discussion... An update to the gooey sour cream question from a couple of days ago: I have not been able to find out why it gets all juicy after its first use. Anyone? Bueller?

Okay, let's do true or false. Many people do not like Target, the store with the red self-titled logo, because of rumors that they are French-owned and that they do not support the military.

I think these are rumors started by middle-class American husbands because their wives are obsessed with shopping at that hell-hole. Had I thought of the idea, I would have started the rumors myself. But I would have added some other details about airborne diseases and rat droppings. That might keep my wife away.

Seriously, she can't spend less than $100 every time she walks in there. In fact, I'd say that the average bill in the last 10 trips is within $2-$4 of exactly $100. (60% of the time, it works every time). How is that possible? Those french marketing people must be very good at what they do.

Anyway, below is a link to a article that debunks most of the rumors. My guess is that the whole thing started over the Salvation Army not being allowed to ring bells there.

P.S. I bought a purple t-shirt at Target last week for $8. I really like it.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Why does sour cream in the container get all juicy after you use it once?

This is not a stock recommendation, but ENR aka Energizer, looks good right now. If people are home more watching movies instead of going out and doing other in-home activities, I'd think they'd use more batteries? We'll see soon. It's at $54.40 today and I think under the radar a bit. Earnings come out the same day baby Tefel #2 is due, so the 28th of Julio. I'll keep you "globbed" aka "posted" with its performance from here.

Send an e-mail to me if you love arugula as much as I do. To give you some perspective, after: family, friends, freedom, tacos, U2, Star Wars and my iPhone...comes arugula in my book. It's a 9 out of 10. FYI, the other 7 items mentioned were 10s. But U2 is in danger of becoming a 9.9 due to their recent sponsorship of Blackberry. That's annoying.

FFYI - to help further with the arugula scale, sunglasses that make you look cool are a 9, Taco Bell (versus tacos in general) is a 7, playing poker is an 8, long walks on the beach are also an 8...short ones are 9's, falling down is a 2, driving fast is a 7 and getting a speeding ticket is a zero.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My Voicemail to You

Yo. It's me. Just checking in. Sorry we've been playing phone tag this week, or has is been a year now since we've talked? I can't believe it's been 10 months since Lehman's collapse. Time sure flies when you are uber-stressed.

Plus I think we've all been really busy, worrying about the world and wondering about the future. Not to mention the fact that "So you think you can dance" starts just a couple short weeks after the "American Idol" Tuesdays through Thursdays are totally shot. And many people down in the Richmond area have to shop on Saturday because UKrops is closed on Sunday. So I really only have Friday and Monday to catch up with people and I guess we're just not on each other's top 5 list lately.

(FYI for the non-Richmonders, UKrops is a grocery store that is closed every single Sunday because the owners are overly-religious. If you ask me, it's stupid to own a business if you are out of business 14.29% of the time. Especially when it's probably more like 40% out of business since most people shop on the weekends. FFYI (For Further Your Information, like PPS) I refuse to shop there, I don't care how good their produce is.)

So after my Saturday shopping, I need to rest. They say that more sleep is good if you are stressed so I guess a four hour nap is in order..."Yaaaawn, I can't believe I slept that long."

In case you did not know, we are having a baby soon, very excited we are. Amelia seems to understand what is happening so hopefully she won't regress too much when the baby comes. And I can't believe she's three already! I know, I know. If this was a real conversation instead of a voicemail, you'd probably be all like, "I can't believe she is three either. I have not seen her since her 1 year birthday." Like I said time flies.

Anyway, I hope all is well. I mean of course "I hope all is well." What a stupidly cliche thing to say. Unless we were enemies of some sort, of course I'd hope all is well.

I would not be making a half-ass effort to get in touch with you if I didn't at least think about you a couple of times per quarter. It just takes me a while to get around to it. You know what I mean. So I'm mostly sure you are well, I just don't really know since we don't keep in touch like we easily could... shoot, I wish we both had unlimited long-distance calling plans to make it easier... oh wait, we probably do.

holla back. The Tef.


- Why put off what you can do right now! If you're still thinking about it and not doing it, then you are still procrastinating.
- Call someone today that you have not talked to in a while.
- Answer the phone next time you see a call come in that you have to think about answering for more than a second.
- Reach out to your family if just to say hello for a few minutes. 3 minutes and 30 seconds on the phone is better than a 4 minute voicemail.
- If you're good at calling folks, then do something else productive today. Clean some crap in your house, list a few things on eBay, invent something...whatever, you do, just do.

And lastly, my movie recommendation for the month. "In Bruges"... check it out. Very funny and some darkness. A few times that you'll want to look away if you don't like any blood, but you'll know when it's coming so you can prepare. Interesting plot, very good writing and a "pick your poison" ending.


In conclusion, have a great day.
I hope you are well.

Friday, July 3, 2009

A Re-post of My First Real Note

As many of you know, Steph's mom went to a better place a couple of months ago.

Although I only picked up the phone 1 in 5 times that she called (not bad considering she was calling for someone other than me nearly 100% of the time), I still miss the occasional conversation.

Below is a post that I put on Facebook back at the beginning of the year.
Many people asked if I was going to share it with her.

I did. A few weeks before she passed, Steph and I sat in her living room and I gave the computer to Baba so she could read it.

I knew I could not get through the whole thing smoothly on my own.

After she read it, Steph asked if I told her about the many comments that people posted in response to the note. So I read all of the comments. There were many prolonged pauses as I caught my breath throughout.

I think she appreciated your replies as much as she did the note. I'm glad she got a chance to hear how far-reaching her impact was and will be for years to come.

We miss her.

"My First Real Note"

“Hero” may not be a word that we use every day.
And when we do use it, many of us likely jump to images at the extremes.

Someone larger than life...Like Lebron or Shaq.
Muscles aplenty; strong enough to take on the impossible time after time; powers that mere humans can only imagine. e.g. Superman.
Tough under pressure while demonstrating acts of courage...US Airways Pilot Sullenberger.
The ability to impact others positively for many, many years after they are no longer with us...Jesus Christ.

My heroes are people that have inspired me and touched me directly. Ones that I have encountered over my life and have had a significant impact on me.

This note is about someone that continues to touch me every time that I am with her.

My daughter calls her "Baba." My wife calls her "Mom." I call her one of my heroes.

For over 8 years, my mom-in-law has battled ovarian cancer. Because of difficult detection, survival rates do not average much more than a couple of years from diagnosis. And I’d imagine that many who are diagnosed both outwardly and regularly focus on the worst in their situation.

Not Baba.

I have never heard her complain. Not once. Ever.
All conversations over the past 3,000 days have been about what positive possibilities are in play. She has traveled on a regular basis; taken up residence at the beach for a week at a time over the past few summers to be able to spend quality time with her daughters and grandchildren; adopted several pets, one of which was a clingy feline that arrived on my back porch just a few months ago; pushed herself to exhaustion to recuperate quickly from multiple surgeries; and in this, her most difficult year, she has made no less than 10 long trips to go out of her way to spend time with Steph and Amelia.

In one of those trips, she fell at the airport. Though in a “little pain” following the fall, she did not even think about a doctor’s visit until several days later. Turns out, her hip was broken. That’s how tough she is.

Her attitude is nothing short of inspiring. Her ability to fight back against some of the most difficult physical battles that I have ever seen, is amazing. Her mental strength is unsurpassed in my book.

She has impacted me in a way that I could never accurately express. Like the super heroes mentioned before...
She is strong, tough and courageous.
She has battled the impossible.
Her impact, her optimism, her influence, will be passed on for many generations to come.

She is larger than life.
She is my hero.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

What Next?

Today's pre-selected topic is "Other random stuff" and I'd like to talk about the USA.

I consider myself fairly patriotic. I love the word "freedom."
That word alone (or a form of the word) has made Braveheart one of my favoritest movies ever.
From the opening scene's impression-generating line "your heart is free William, have the courage to follow it" as Wallace's father is dying.
To its recurring use in Wallace's speech before the Stirling battle:
WW: "What will you do without FREEDOM? Will you fight?"
Sissy Guy: "No, we will run and we will live."
WW: "Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live. At least a while. (awesome dramatic pause) And dying in your beds, many years from now. Would you be willing, to trade, all the days, from this day 'til that?...for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives....but they'll never take...OUR FREEDOM (insert cheers and emotional Scottish music).
And the very memorable single word statement made by Wallace at the very end of the movie as his guts are torn from his body. "FREEDOOOOOOOOOOM........"
I am honestly getting a little teary-eyed thinking about it.
I even have the Stirling speech downloaded as a file on my iPhone. I used to listen to it every day on my way to work at Chrysalis. Just to get me through my then freedom-less days.

That said, there are few places that have the type of liberties that we enjoy in the US. I have never feared civil punishment for walking down the street. I can write just about whatever I want on a website - that could potentially be viewed by the world - without fear of reprisal... e.g. Fuck you Obama. And I can start a company doing just about anything that I am good at if I have the drive, the ingenuity and the resources.

So...don't get me wrong. I love this country. As citizens, we can do more and achieve more here than we can anywhere else in the world. And we have.
But today, we are heading down the wrong path.

Free markets and capitalism are not about bailouts. But we continue to send money to companies that are not even viable entities. For what? Fear? Fear of what? That the stock market will take 24 months to rebound versus 15. I'll wait the extra three quarters if my tax dollars aren't spent on shitty companies staying afloat. Sure we need to change some rules around financial markets and leverage, but don't try to fix that which can't be fixed. GM was not profitable for decades. What was there that was even worth saving? Obama spent billions of your money to delay an event that any businessperson could have told you was inevitable. Thanks for that Mr. President.

Free health care for everyone sounds nice. But why the hell do I have to work to ultimately pay to bring someone else's kid into the world? If you can't pay your bills, stop having kids. Let alone 18 of them. Screw this socialistic form of government-mandated redistribution of wealth. If Gates and Buffett want to give millions away to help the world, good for them. They earned that right and they can spare it. But don't make me do it as I am fighting to rebuild a future for my family. And certainly don't pick and choose for me how it is to be spent.

I am all about government support of business growth and helping to stimulate the economy - i.e. Tax breaks for new businesses or benefits for companies that hire significant employees during under-employed periods. But creating government jobs simply to have a place to put people is ridiculous. Obama initially talked about job creation...through private business. Then he talked about "saving" jobs versus creating them. And now he's not even talking about job creation or saving them via supporting private business. He now speaks and references police stations in podunk towns that did not have to let 18 officers go because they got stimulus money. What?!?! That's the cure? Letting unnecessary government jobs stick around. We pay those salaries. You and me. And we have no say in the matter. Please reference my "e.g." comment four paragraphs above.

There are bills being passed these days that are thousands of pages long. Pork and other unnecessary dollars are being thrown around as if it were as plentiful as Hydrogen. Do you know what the abbreviation "tln" stands for? "Townline?"..."Telephone?"...Nope. It stands for "Trillion." And I have seen it used many times recently.
This is what one trillion dollars looks like: $1,000,000,000,000
If you are a millionaire, you have at least this much money: $1,000,000. Looks small in comparison, no?
A trillion is a million million. Putting it into other relative terms... You could count to a million in less than two weeks. To count to a trillion, you'd need over 30,000 YEARS. People were not even talking modern languages 30,000 years ago. Two weeks ago it was simply June 16th 2009.

And this year, Obama and his "my tax money" spending policies will enslave future generations for decades to come. But that's okay, GM will soon & once again be producing shitty union-made cars; more Octo-moms will crop up across the country; and dozens upon dozens of DMV workers will stay employed so I can get my new driver's license with a micro-chip embedded into my life can be more closely monitored by the government.

All I can ask is, what next?

Government is a good thing and it is necessary. And few places have a system anywhere near as good as the USA. But we are on the wrong track. I am proud to be an American. But I refuse to support socialism.

Socialism via Webster's Dictionary:
1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.
2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b: a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state

National Socialism via Webster: Nazism

#$@% that.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Keeping up with the glob

Week one of this historic e-publication is coming to a close. Somewhere between many to zero people have asked me how they can keep more in touch with my updates and ensure that they are aware of any new randomness that is available via this glob.

Here are a few suggestions:

- Bookmark a link to this site in your favorites. Also add the link to your favorites bar.
- If you have a favorite bar / night club, ask them if they will co-sponsor a media kit with me to distribute on the bar top. Then, whenever you go to the bar, ask the bartender to use the computer in the back room to log in.
- Send a daily e-calendar reminder to yourself that says "Check out The Tef's glob" and insert a link to the site directly into your PDA.
- Call a relative or close friend and have them send a text to you every day at 3:33PM that says "Don't forget to check da glob"
- Think of your own idea. Why all the work must I do? (said like Yoda)
- Name your favorite play list on your iPod "Mostly Daily Randomness"
- Put a Post It note in the middle of your computer screen that simply says "Check on The Tef" today. Remember to remove aforementioned Post It for optimal glob viewing.
- Start a group on Facebook entitled "Loyal followers of The Tef's Glob" and make everyone an admin of the group. Then have everyone send hourly reminders to all members to visit.
- Have an image of the web address etched onto the inside of your windshield on your primary vehicle - I recommend a 60pt font. To save money on car #2, simply use a post it note hanging from your rearviewmirror. (sung like Eddie Vedder) ***If you have a motorcycle, go with etching on the inside of your helmet visor.
- Call me on my cell while you are going to the bathroom and I will read it to you from my iPhone.
- Two words for ya... Pinup calendar.
- 21 more words for ya... For holiday reminders, get Christmas ornaments, dreidels or Easter egg kits that come with mini letters to customize as you please.
- If you have a new baby, try to teach them "randomness" as their first word.
- Ask your spouse to scream "The Tef is so random" during sex instead of "Oh God." Keep your PDA on your nightstand for quick web access.

Legal Notices: The Tef does not recommend driving while using your PDA. Etchings on car windshields and helmet visors should not be done in such a way as to impair driving or general vision capabilities. Any post-sex PDA usage should be done only after using Purell or another form of hand sanitizer. The Tef is not an endorser of Purell and is no way affiliated with the brand or any other consumer product including the iPhone or the iPod. But on a personal note, he would use the iPhone for any of the above non-vehicle related reminders or general web access.

If you are having a baby or know someone who is, remember to check out the "Owen & Amelia" group on Facebook and send an e-mail for a catalog.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Who's Bad?

It's Friday morning now. And I can always come back to the topic of my kid. It might be a few days or months away. But I'll get there.

Back to Michael Jackson. I am kinda sad today. I heard about Farrah this morning too. They were both icons in my youth. I don't know too many guys my age who did not try to find nude pictures of Farrah on the Internet when they were 12 years old.

Okay, Okay, busted. Al Gore did not invent the Internet until roughly 10 years later. But if there was an Internet when I was 12, I'd have been all over it looking for naked pictures of any of the Angels, and seeking out videos of Michael Jackson I could practice for my role as MJ in the 1982 Carolyn Kiesel production of the Thriller video. Although the video cameras were bigger than the original Atari machines back in those days, we were committed to learning all of the moves and recording the full 8 minutes of the video so that we would have a BetaMax recording that we could cherish forever. I showed up for all the rehearsals, but we could not get enough ghouls to come regularly, so we had to shut it down.

In addition to my almost lead role in the never-produced video, below are a few things that I did or obtained as a part of my totally non-gay pre-pubescent obsession with a man who later turned into an alien.

1) I had a 2'x2' yellow silk tapestry of MJ in his Billie Jean attire hung above my bed.
2) I never had a red zipper jacket, but many people to this day accuse me of owning one. Though I did borrow one for a junior high dance once.
3) The first time I saw the moonwalk, I swore that I would do that move at a junior high dance someday and "wow" the crowd.
4) When I did my moonwalk for the first time at a school dance, along with some other breakdancing moves that I HAD TO LEARN, nearly every person in the gym stopped dancing and gathered around me. That was not the biggest crowd to see me pop, lock and glide, but it was the most memorable. I instantly went from "little Chris" to being a big hit with the ladies. Shortly after I made out with a girl on the bleachers.
5) To this day, if I am out and an MJ song comes on, people that know me well seek me out and demand that I do a few moves. Shamon.
6) Next to the yellow tapestry in item #1 above, I had an MJ signature Pepsi can from one of his tour pristine condition, duct taped to the wall.
7) I saved every picture of MJ that I ever came across and most of them were on my wall somewhere too. I wish I had a picture of all that ridiculousness.
8) On the non-soda can side of the tapestry, there was a single glove pinned to the wall. It did not have sequins but it was white and left-handed.
9) When I was doing research for a paper in 10th grade, I was looking up M. Jackson articles and came across an article on Jackson Pollack... I thought his art was awesome too. I wrote the paper on JP not MJ. I got an A. I still have the paper in a box in my attic. I had bad grammar in 10th grade.
10) I am sure there are things that I am forgetting. Please remind me if you have any stories.

I am 36 years old. And based on what Michael Jackson turned into, I can't say that I will always have fond memories of the guy but he definitely had an impact on my life and I'll always carry him with me on my iPod.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

This is the title line

This is the body of the note.

I am partially inspired to write something but I am more so short on time.
For now I will not write much but I will tell you that the meat of the topic will be about how awesome it is to have a kid. Though there are few days where I am not tempted to punch my three year old, there has never been a day that I have done that.

Holy crap, I just heard that Michael Jackson died. Really?? WTF is that all about?
Now I am torn about writing about my love for my daughter or my obsession starting in 6th grade with the (at that time) soon to be King of Pop.

Two very good topics. I need more time to think. I'll be back later.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

What's Up

I apologize in advance to my mom for the third line below.

Some folks, AKA my wife, are all up in a bunch about my new "career" as a globber.
Well, I say bite me. No lower. Not so hard.

Seriously though. So I wanna send some randomness out into the world. What's wrong with that?

Most blogs are about a single topic. E.g. "Birds" or "My trip through Europe." Not that those are not cool topics...but don't you want to read something new and totally different on a regular basis? And sometimes, don't you want to hear about nothing? Why do you think 'Seinfeld' was so successful? He wrote shows about everyday stuff often seen in different ways. Right? And this isn't a blog anyway. In fact if I could, I'd change this site's name to One can dream.

Moving along. Item #2 up for discussion. So far, over 30 cents of ad money will be going to charity based on the success of my new "venture." Be sure to pass along the link to friends and make sure you check out at least one interesting ad before you leave. Based on the many tags that I post that are totally unrelated to my daily topics, there are likely some interesting ads. SO CLICK AWAY ON THE ONE AD THAT YOU FIND MOST INTERESTING!!

Since we're talking craziness, I read somewhere that you are not supposed to flex your knee past 90 degrees? Can you believe that? That I actually read something?

But the knee thing means that most people should not take more than one step at a time up stairs...and that anyone over 5'10" tall should not use their legs to stand up from the toilet. Because when they sit on the John their knees are likely already flexed past 90 degrees. I have recently tried to go through a day without breaking the 90 degree rule. It's tough. I'm just over 5'10" and it's rare that I don't have to "sit to go" at least once a day.

Lastly, since today is Cuesdam and I have totally ignored my scheduled topic of "Animals that I have recently seen and either avoided or tried to pet," let me just tell this to you. Yesterday, we had a woodchuck in our back yard. And he ate a lot of clover. Since he was eating, I did not try to pet him.

A few words to help out any sponsors crazy enough to post an ad based on some totally random tags: Birds, Trip to Europe, Energy, Knees, Renovation

Monday, June 22, 2009

This may be the last time I explain the days, so please take note

As many of my Facebook friends know, on October 17th 2008, I elected to change the titles for seven of the days of the week. I was sick of the fact that all days of the week end in a "Y" letter.

So now each day ends with the first letter from the name of the previous day. E.g. Thursday, now known as Chursdaw... where the "W" actually comes from the day just prior which was previously known as WednesdaY...see, isn't that "Y" letter at the end annoying? I’ll explain the “C” at the front of each day a little later.

And, since there is no easy way to abbreviate the days under this new “C” structure, for all of the days of the week you will now have to use several letters. E.g., For Cuesdam (formerly Tuesday) you will have to use CUE as the abbreviation because Cundas (formerly Sunday and now abbreviated CUN) starts with a CU too. This is only slightly more annoying than the previous T vs. TH abbreviations for the artists formerly know as Tuesday and Thursday.

Moving along… in addition to the new mandatory names for the days, I am publishing a listing of my publication schedule for my “glob.” Since today is Condas and my schedule calls for only a few words, I am going to pretty much stop this entry after the schedule and maybe one additional paragraph.

Condas - "Maybe just a few words. But not a lot of total characters being typed because my fingers hurt"
Cuesdam - "Animals that I have recently seen and either avoided or tried to pet"
Cednesdat - “Other Random Stuff"
Chursdaw - "Interesting things that my iPhone told to me”
Cridat - "True or False"
Caturdaf - "Stock Market Stuff" or "The World"
Cundas - "Membership Drive"

An FYI revisit of further rationale behind the changes:
I restarted each day of the week with a "C" letter. Why? It's kinda simple.

#1 - I figured all the days previously ended with the same letter for a reason, so I wanted to keep some sense of order in the new layout. But this change had to be slightly more confusing than the previous days all ending with a “Y.”
#2 - The letter "C" fit with a lot of the new names naturally. Read ‘em again. It’s true.
#3 - It is the name of my daughter's favorite monkey bobble-head silky blanket thingy that she always carries around.
#4 - I laughed out loud the first time I said "Caturdaf" in my head - that's just funny.
#4b - My first name starts with a "C"

I am still thinking about what to do with the "DA" that also appears in every name of days of the week as the second and third to last letters - which is residual from "DAY" by the way. But for now, I don't notice it as much in the new layout.

Below are random words to test the strength of the ads that appear on my glob:
Hmmmm, Holy, House, Mouse, Apple, Liver, Worst

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Ok. Welcome to my new world. My home away from home...though I am now and will likely be home when most of these go down from my brain to my e-paper.

Let's officially start this first blog with a second paragraph regarding what brought us here today.

You and me. Crap, the actual thought came out in a third paragraph. Oh well.

Know it or not, we have a connection. Every time from now on that you read one of my "globs" (i don't like the word blog) we will be connected in a special way. Before I forget, there will also allegedly be ads that are posted along my pages. "Click them out" once in a while and I'll actually get some earnings from this joint. And by joint I mean a gathering place...and in this case this website. Don't worry, I'll give regular proceeds to charity and I'll keep you globbed on progress thereof.

Back to our connection. You and me.

I started writing "notes" on Facebook back in October. Thanks to J-Dub for the inspiration. He said that my powers of randomness could be used for good. I did not believe him. But he was right. I got a lot (3 comments) of good feedback and people seemed to be entertained by my rants. So today, eight months later, my brother Josh tells me that people can make money from globbing. I did not believe him. But he too is apparantly correct. So here I go. Randoming away for your entertainment. And for our connection.

Most of the below came in part from a previous FB posting. So my apologies to those that are experiencing the rest as a quasi reread. There will be many more reasons to return in the future. Newness, funniness, perspective, and most of all randomness. Life is too short to be planned out all the time. So stick with me on my journies. I'll likely do a post every day. But I will at least do a post every 3.4 days. That works out to nine per month.


Believe it or not these notes are a great outlet for me. I feel better getting stuff out of my head. At the end of it all, sharing stuff with others hopefully gives some perspective of what goes on in another person's head. And if just one or five people say something positive, that's cool by me.

The more I thought about writing, the more I liked the idea. I have considered doing some kids books in the past. My daughter loves reading before bedtime and it always amazes me when other parents have many of the exact same kids books on their shelves. I guess good stuff catches on. The idea of it all led me to revisit some of my past notes on Facebook and run some statistics since inception to get a feel for whether or not I should continue.

Here is what my revisit uncovered for me.
- 83% of my notes were in some way responded to by others
- Only 20% of my Political Haiku Commentaries - an underperforming weekly entry - were responded to by more than one person
- If you do not include the underperforming PHC's, 98% of my notes elicited responses
- The average number of responses in non-PHC notes was 8.2
- Over 90 unique friends posted comment replies to my notes

Based on these results, I thought I might have something worth sharing. And some people might actually continue to read what I write. That's pretty much it.

P.S. 84% of the time, if you use a number in conjunction with making a statement, it becomes more believable for most people.

P.P.S. 100% of the numbers in this note (including the 84% influence of using a number) were either completely contrived or very rough but mostly fake estimates. Except for the 100% part at the beginning of this P.P.S. - That is true.

See what I mean about the influence of a few numbers on believability?

Regardless. Here are a few words that might influence what types of ads you see on my page. Star Wars, Vacation, Bahamas, Cool Cars, Poker, Recipes, Chocolate.