Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Lion, The Witch and My Wardrobe

So when Steph told me she wanted to buy the Jamison's commemorative cask of whiskey for her father, I was aghast. First, her father does not drink and 2, the cost per cask is a whopping $1,500. But then she said it was for house guests that he was to entertain...so I caved.
But when she told me that she looked online and the product was only available at the home of Isaac Newton, I was again dumbfounded.
(I say "online" instead of using "Internet" because I don't agree with the capitalization of the word internet. It's not that awesome. Okay it's pretty awesome, but big-letter-worthy awesome? Like calling Neo "The One" in The Matrix? I dunno.)

So I figured it was either the former home of Sir Isaac Newton (because he is long gone) or the home where some of his family currently lives. After further checking online, Pamela (Steph's sister, not sure why she got involved) found that some of his family lives in Glens Falls, New York - which is conveniently located near their dad's house. So, as Pamela is wont to do, she Googled the location of the home. And I, of course, built an airplane shaped like the little balsam wood ones with the small metal noses, to help find the house. But my plane was too heavy and lacked GPS, so there were frequent crashes. Needless to say, the plane ended up very close to a field of dozing lions. See lions sleep most of the day. And I figured I could sneak up to the plane and recover it without waking any of them. But I was wrong. One woke up and started to chase me. Of course I was already running, because this was a dream and I can do whatever I want.

All of a sudden, I was running down a hill at the end of the street where MY parents live. I'm not sure how I made it nearly 100 miles in a few seconds, but it did not matter, because so did the lion. I found a medium-sized tree with several long trunks that were close together. I figured that if the lion tried to climb it, the tree would not hold him and he would give up. But it was strong and flexible enough to hold me - even if he knocked it around a bit. And I could jump to the other close trunk if he did get lucky and knock the first one down. Plus, and of course, I had Samantha II with me, so once I got my balance I was going to call someone with a tranquilizer gun to come shoot the lion.

Then Steph woke me up. And I was very lucky, because I had fallen asleep on the couch and when I opened my eyes Sportscenter was on and I caught the top plays of the week. Did anyone see that run-back by Green Bay? There were so many tackles dodged. It was awesome. Again, I was very lucky.

------NO LONGER MY DREAM--------

So yesterday, I told Amelia that she is a princess and I asked her how many princesses she saw in the mirror. She said "one" referring to herself. Then Steph came into the room and I asked Amelia how many princesses there were now...She said "two." I said, "Well if you are a princess and she is your mommy, then she is..." and Amelia said "The queen." I said, "That's right, and that means that your sister Sloane is..." and in a deep and gritty voice Amelia said "The evil witch."
Ahh, sisterly love.

Lastly, and also yesterday, Mason asked me if I still wore my gay Vans sneakers. I told him "No" and that I was probably going to bring them back to the store to resell them again.

And that is my update on the lion, the witch and the wardrobe.
For once, 100% of what I have written is 100% true.
Well 99% anyway.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

“Where the Streets Have No Name” by U2

It starts off quietly. It almost sounds confused…an incongruent medley, tough to discern at first what it might be. There is a sort of humming and a low-level pitchy gyration. The first time you hear the song, and maybe even still, you might turn your volume up to make sure that something intentional is actually playing.

You boost the speaker to get a better sense. And you debate for a second as to what the sound is. It’s almost eerie, but harmonious and moving at the same time. Then it hits you. It’s church organs. They’re synthesized for sure, but that’s the sound. Few things can be both eerie and touching. A properly played organ can deliver either depending on the circumstances.

I’ve listened to the song hundreds of times, and the initiation of Edge’s guitar gives me as many chills as the organ. The riffs sound simple, unarranged and impromptu like an extended jam at a live concert. But a few seconds into it, you realize its complexity. It is super-quick and quietly intense, and as the pace and the volume feed picks up, the chills intensify.
If you play it back to when the drums started at 1:09, you realize that the bass actually began in accord with the percussion - making the seamlessness even more awesome. That’s the moment, at 1:09, when all instrumental elements are in gear… except for Bono’s words. Those don’t kick in until the 1:47 mark. And they too are outstanding.

Bono is an amazing song writer. Simply amazing. Whether you like his politics or not, admire his use of celebrity to promote or not, I think he is as conflicted, caring and ultimately as lost as the rest of us. And whether you believe in my God or your own, the spirituality of his lyrics are untouchable.

So much of what he writes is about belief in something greater. Something bigger than yourself or your perspective thereof or other's perspective of you. They are about finding deeper meaning, and meaning what you believe, and searching, and continuing to search. Like my favorite line ever: "What no man can own, no man can take," from Yahweh, which to me speaks to everything that isn’t materialistic and therefore most important in life. Other lyrics are quietly uplifting, possibly urging you to pause for perspective, like the line "The end is not as far as the start" from Original of the Species.

Many of Bono's songs appear to talk about everyday happenings on the surface. But you need to listen closely and add some perspective to get where he is coming from. Like in “Beautiful Day” where he sings “See the bird with the leaf in her mouth. After the flood, all the colors came out.” Taken separately, the words might appear to simply be references to common occurrences in the beauty of nature - a soaring bird and the clearing of a flood.

If you went to Sunday school, you know without question that Bono is singing about the dove, the olive branch, Noah's Ark and God's rainbow. Your belief in the Bible or not, does not matter. What matters is that it’s there and it tells a story. A story that some see one way and others see their way.

The inspiration for “Where the Streets Have No Name” is said to have stemmed from a harsh reality in Ireland. In certain Irish cities, there are apparently areas that are so socially fragmented that you can tell a person’s background, their social status and even their precise occupation, based on their street name and house number. Not that other parts of the world don’t lead to the same social profiling. E.g. A Central Park West address is probably owned by a different person than one in upper Harlem, but either puts your residence in Manhattan. Apparently in Ireland this dynamic is very divisive. And Ireland is where the chord was struck for Bono.

In that world, and many others, a street with a name says to others who you are. And you are judged and maybe even snubbed because of it. Maybe you’re snubbed for being poor and unmotivated or maybe you’re snubbed for being rich and greedy. Either way, with the introduction of prejudice based on a street name, a potential human connection is lost.

How shallow of us all? And we’ve all done it. We think we know someone by their “place” in the world. By a physical proximity to something that is either of more or less value than the average. It’s a numbers game, and it sucks. “Streets” is about imagining a place where that does not exist. Where you get to know and enjoy people for who they are - where substance counts, not an address.

Some of it , like the first line, is about escaping the tough times - “I want to run, I want to hide.” Other parts are about lost love and pain. “Our love turns to rust…trampled in dust.” But the entire package, like many U2 songs, has a very positive and uplifting message when it's all put together.

“I want to reach out, and touch the flame…”
“I want to feel sunlight on my face. I see the dust clouds disappear…”
“And when I go there, I go there with you.”

The line “And when I go there, I go there with you,” suggests to me that there are better places than where streets badge you. And if someone is going to a better place, chances are that they would like to be with others when they do. Who wants to keep something better all to themselves?
The biggest question of interpretation for me is: What is the meaning behind the word “you” in that line. “When I go there, I go there with you.” Is the "you" meant to be singular? Is it a wife, a child or another loved one? Is it the plural form of you, implying that many can join? Or is it much, much bigger.

Like any song, you can pick apart the lyrics however you see fit. Many, if not most musicians, will tell you that they want to relate to others via their words. To do that, lyrics have to be open to interpretation and allow someone to put pictures or emotions behind what someone else is saying. And oftentimes, even for an individual, that meaning can change over time.

One of the most powerful lines for me…now …is “I want to feel, sunlight on my face.” What a simple and intensely important feeling. I guarantee most of us take it for granted most of the time. We might be so busy with our jobs or other distractions that we don’t even think about the simplicity of the sun and all that it affords us. To some people though, at certain times, its beauty and power can change an entire day, maybe a whole week or possibly even modify your entire condition.

During Steph’s mom’s last few days, we would bring her onto the deck at her house in a wheelchair to get some fresh air. It was just shy of spring in March and still cold, so we would wear jackets when we joined her. The trips were brief, so not much was said. When it was, a few of those conversations started off with something like “remember when…”

But I don’t think Barbara was thinking solely about the past. And for her, the deck-top trips were not just about fresh air. When there was no conversation taking place and even during, Barbara would lift her face to the sky with her eyes closed and fight the trees to get peeks of sunlight on her face. A simple warmth. Warm moments that we again likely take for granted, were the times that she looked most at peace. I think she was thinking about a better place. A place where the streets are nameless and where there is always sunlight on your face.

For me, “Streets” is about heaven - a place where none of the superfluous shit matters. Where "dust, poison rain" and social statuses don’t exist. Where the love you have for the people that you know on Earth and those no longer with us, is all that matters. Where the “you” in “I go there with you” is about anyone that you’d want to be with; a single loved one, your entirety of family and friends, and even your God. Won’t he join you on that trip as the “dust clouds disappear?”

And the song finishes in the same way it began. With an extended outro of Edge on guitar being backed up by an organ. This time with a soft and peaceful feel to it. Continuing to take you wherever you want to go. Listen to "Streets" again or for the first time. And tell me you don’t get chills.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Are Coffee-Makers Magic?

If you came here from Facebook as most of the "hits" here do, than you probably expect some sort of commentary regarding coffee-makers and the heat potential thereof.

If that is the case then I have three questions.
1) Why do you want to read about that?
2) Did you actually think that was what was on my mind?
3) Did I use both "than" and "then" correctly above? I second-guess that a lot.

To respond to question #2. That is not what was on my mind. Well not really. I guess to some extent it had to be though? Or else where did the words that I typed into Hadria come from?

Oh yes, Hadria is my computer. As you know, maybe, my phone's name is Samantha. Sorry if you find that insulting Samm, but you are just a phone. Sometimes I have to put her in her place.

But Hadria is my laptop. I just named her about 2 minutes ago. If it wasn't for this posting that will eventually be about coffee to some extent, she might have never gotten a name.

Well, I Googled girls names that start with the letter "H" and Hadria was #6 on the list. Why "H" you ask? Well her initials are HP, sooooo. And when I read the meaning of the name Hadria, I knew it was meant to be.

Hadria means "dark one" in Latin, I guess. And since my computer is black and I am light brown, I thought it was very apropos. Also interesting - I believe that is the first time I have ever typed the word apropos. Yep. I had to Google that to make sure I spelled it right. I didn't. I used 2 P's at first. That was not apropos.

Anyway, I am being a little overly-random right now, so please see the link below for information about girl names starting with the letter "H." Yes, Hadria is also a female and no I am not looking at baby names for any other reason. Picking my favorite from the two I have is hard enough.


In conclusion. I no longer feel like writing about coffee. But I'm sure I will another day.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Quick messages to address nothing

A few people have begun to follow me this week. By a few I mean 3. Thanks for joining.
P.S. You're crazy.

None of the people that became globberees are named "Leaf" but it is fall.
If you would like one of the fall-themed photos that will be on the right-hand side of the page later this week, either hit me up here or on FB - that's short for Facebook. I have some 8x10 and some 12x16. I would only ask for production costs to be covered.
- printing $2.59
- shipping $1.59
That should cover it.
- oh no wait, camera rental fee $5.00
- talent fee $575

Seriously, how many leaves...
(A brief side note to Mr. Leaf in parenthesis: Dear Mr. Leaf, why do you drop the "f" and pick up a "v" when you get friends? I don't agree with it.)
...continue glob...How many leafs do you think there are outside? Definitely more than hundreds. Maybe billions? Nope. More than googal?

(A brief parenthetic note to God: Dear Mr. Leaf, JK. Dear Lord, Are there more leaves in the world (including ones that are on the ground and less than 50% decomposed) or grains of sand (sand grain would need to be larger than 10 microns). JK again. I don't even know what a micron is. Also, what is the total count for each as of this Caturdaf at 12:34 EST? Thanks.) P.S. That was not a pirate emoticon after the word "Thanks." But this is a naked girl with puffy hair lying down with her hands behind her back and picking her head up off the floor to look at her toes *:<

Everyone else in the world, wouldn't you like to know maybe just a rough count for the leaves and the sand? It's mind-boggling. But my guess is that there is more sand.

P.P.S. Dear God. As if you weren't all-knowing, I don't count pine needles as leaves.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hey Soul Sister

So, I have had a few people make comments about the glob and its frequency - one of them being my sister. Look, I don’t promise regular posts. And when I post something on Facebook about it, it is usually a comment along the lines of “I think this could be a glob topic.” But that’s not a promise to post. Ok though. I’ll take accountability. I started by changing the name of my glob to "Three times a week minimum randomness." I just think that "Mostly Daily..." was waaaay over-promising. So...Here is my new proposed schedule of posting.
Condasu – I will aim for a NLT 5:30 AM PST post to start the week.
Chursdaw – I will post a second time NLT than 4:37 pm EST.
Caturdaf – though I can’t promise posts on Caturdaf, it is my favorite-sounding day, so I wanted to type it again for the first time in a while, plus I will try a third posting each week.
All other daily-posting-propensity will be totally random. I may or may not post more than that.

On a side note, I get pissed when I want to put emphasis on the word “I” but there is no way to do it in plain text. I mean, usually, if you want to say something LOUDLY in plain text, you can capitalize it. How can you do that with the word “I?”
Plus, does the question mark go inside of the quotation mark? I think so. “What do you think?” he asked. Yeah, inside.

A few things you might want to know. 1) I don’t own a brown shirt. 2) I think one thing is enough for now.

Here is the initial thought behind another poem that I am going to start writing right now. Called “Corporate America”
Because I’d wake up and I’d fight and I’d fall on my sword and I’d try real-ly hard, to get the spark to ignite.
And in spite of me having spite for you, I’d sit tight, and unite and hope that I might get your words to fit right.
Fit on the page and in your mind…(blah, blah, blah)

But I’d have to sit and liss-en to the ones who claimed that because of their smarts they were wise.
All the while, their claims were nothing more than a not-so-well laid out disguise.
It just took me a few years and many tries, to peel open my eyes…and finally realize…that it wasn’t dislike, it was despise.
Hate for rooms filled stupid-ass stories…that were quite boring…I’d try to stay awake but all-the-while my mind was exploring…

Friday, October 29, 2010

Words that actually came from my head

I just wanna erase all lines of my loaded DVR.
Cause when i look random shit up I gotsta scroll so far.
To just git to the end of my long play-list.
Plus im kinda sick of debating to watch or not The Mentalist.

I imagine and I dream of what it might look like.
Zero lines of digital clutter because they took a hike.  
I might be able to rid my life of all dismay.
If all the shows I'll probably never watch were just gone away. 

Hold up, full-deletion might not be killa or great.
It might just lead to a sealing of my lax-a-daze-ick-el fate. 
'Cause another issue, non-remote-like, we'd have left at hand. 
Even if my DVR is blank...I've got miles of shows to watch on on demand. 


My apologies about promising you a 5 minute poem. This took me six. If that offends you in any way, just go back to the top of the poem as if you are going to read it again and only read the first line. That will likely piss off the poem.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Why do people say one thing and do another?
Why do you say..."Let's meet at 7:45AM on Thursday."...when you don't plan on showing up?
And, AND, WTH would you text me at 7:55 to say you might not make it?

Didn't you know that at 7:44? That you weren't a minute away? Do you have a magic time-stopping machine that was temporarily out of commission...that you thought you could repair by 7:44:59 and if fixed in time and then if used in conjunction with your teleportation machine, you could have still been here at 7:45. I mean, even that would assume that you could teleport within one second. I'd imagine it would take one second just to push the "beam me" button..let alone the amount of time it takes to deconstruct every fiber of your being into a code and then reassemble you elsewhere.
OH! You don't have a time-stopper or teleportation machine? Really? REALLY?!?

They why the F%#@ don't you give me more than negative ten minutes to possibly change my plans for the day? Or maybe, maybe just a heads up that you're running late.

Sure, I'd feel bad if I found out after the fact that you had a heart attack and died, but that is not likely the case. Most likely - you are a douche bag and you lack common courtesy.

But...your quoted price for the work was $1,000 less than the next guy and you allegedly do good work. SO...I'll bite the bullet.

Plus, your lack of respect gave me time and a topic for a post.

Also interesting... the first 14 digits of Pi - 3.141592653589

Yep, I did it. There are only 13 digits...showing that is. The rest are infinite.

Monday, October 18, 2010


If you have been clicking "refresh" on your browser for the last several days in anticipation of the return of the glob, I apologize. I have several things that I needed to address on the morning of my glob's alleged return based on unreliable people. So, although my first glob back was supposed to be joyous, I had to start my day angrily and mostly globless. My frustration comes from the fact that the average age of my employees is 19...and the average mentality of people that average 19 years old these days is actually 14. Enough on that for now.

Why do some people read the number "0" as "oh." There is in fact a letter that looks a little bit like a zero, but last I checked, numbers are not letters. So the number "0" should be pronounced "zero." Unless you are surprised to see it appear somewhere, then I guess you could say "oh" in a surprised manner at first. But you should not use "oh" to describe the number itself, should you? I think I have an explanation as to why people abuse the pronunciation of the number and say it the same as it's slightly more portly cousin-in-law letter "O." Why is the "O" fatter anyway? Whose idea and/or choice was that? 10 extra credit points for anyone that can come up with the same reason that I did for the reason people call zeros ohs.

It's slightly less equally perplexing as to why people pronounce the word "moot" as "mute." But this is quite obviously a pop cultural issue. See...Rick Springfield in his song "Jesse's Girl" uses the word "moot" in a very loose poetic-licensy sort of way as follows: "You know i feel so dirty when they start talking cute, I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot."
You see, this song was soooooo popular in the 80's that people actually started to confuse the word moot with mute and pronounce them the same...because that would have sounded more rhythmic in the song. Don't believe me? Ask 5 people to complete this sentence..."If you are trying to make a point but you don't think that it matters or that the point might not sink in with the listener, you say...I'd be making a _____ point." Half of the people will say "mute." Sorry Mr. word moot, 1/2 of the people out there don't know you. Freakin' Rick Springfield.

Please reply below if you have a thought on the oh versus zero thing.